(no subject)

So, I'm not having any luck with that sleeping thing...

So I decided that if I can make at least one person happy today since I'm failing so wonderfully lately, it should be Brenna.

Look Brenna, tis LJ-love~

I've never been so confused about anything in my life...I've really screwed up maybe...maybe not... I don't know, hence the confusion.

I guess for the first time in a while, I'll be surprised...I'm not one to take risks...especially not ones that are so heavily not in my favour.

I'm usually pretty confident in my decisions, because I don't like risky decisions...I have no confidence whatsoever...not even enough to face the world tomorrow...I really really don't want to work...but I have to.

I rekindled some Bellerose hatred while looking through my yearbook. I like yearbooks...no matter what, you look ugly in it...so that means everyone you hate is bound to be ugly too, it boosted my ego~

Two more pandas have joined the Amanda family...in fact, one of them is a beanie baby named Mandy. Isn't that funky? I mean, it's like that beanie baby was MADE for me~

I'm craving all sorts of chocolate. Today was offered the option of eating a donut but I denied it despite my emotional eating problem. I'm proud of myself and regretting it all at once...I really really want that donut now. I want to go to Tim Horton's and sit their with someone and just talk. Unfortunately my Tim Horton's buddy lives in Edmonton now and is ACTUALLY not online...That's a bloody first. He always complains that no one is ever online and low and behold, he's not online. I think I should beat him up. I think could probably take him in a serious fight. Yup. He probably knows who he is right now.

So, I think I'm getting a cold...my glands are swollen and I generally feel like shit...I hope it develops into something that will permit me to miss work tomorrow...though I know that won't happen *sigh*

Wow, I'm listening to Komm Susser Todd...I've had this song on my playlist since the beginning of time...and I don't really notice when it plays for that reason...and it's strangely appropriate. It's also too happy for all the depressing lyrics it has...still lovable all the same.

I've been reading shoujo smut since about 1 am...Tis wonderful. I think I might go read some Blade of the Immortal. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. So now I leave. Night~
  • Current Music
    Gabin - It Don't Mean a Thing

Update on my life...

So, I have two jobs now and I'm working a whole hell of alot. 6 days this week, 7 next week. On the bright side, I will be rich. On the not so bright side, alot of people have probably forgot that I even exist since I'm never around *dies*

I watched most of the SailorMoon DVDs I bought in the last week. *glomps boxsets*

I'm addicted to Crystal Chronicles and want to play more but Lance and Chris were like "Noooo~" so now I have none.

Yeah...I don't really have alot to say...I'm too lazy...

(no subject)

So...a dog just ran up...bit my arm...and ran away.


So anyways, I watch Samurai Champloo last night, and it's bloody awesome. I'm actually going to rewatch it right away. *floats*

After I'm done with that, I'm probably going to do some laundry and clean my room for my fun movie night. So far the only person who I can't get a hold of is Matt. That hoser. GET ON MSN! I don't have his phone number...nor do I know his last name to find him in the phone book (great friend I am).

Anyways, that's all for now. Ja~

I don't know whether I'm afraid or happy...

So, apparently there's a new Pride and Prejudice movie coming out. Lance told me about it, I think...but now I have solid evidence of this movie's existence.

So...Brad Pitt is playing Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth is being played by stick-person poster girl Keira Knightly. Brad Pitt is fairly good at adapting to roles, I think he might do alright, (but never as good as the REAL Mr. Darcy aka Colin Firth). On the other hand, Keira Knightly will make a TERRIBLE Elizabeth. She's too skinny, too shallow. Elizabeth is supposed to look normalish and pretty and be cynical and witty. *sighs* The A&E version of P&P is perfect...why must they tamper with such a perfect thing?

Oh well~ We'll just have to see. Yes, we, I shall drag EVERYONE along with me.

Yay~ Uncle Barry just called~ He has my grad ring~ hopefully it's a nice grad ring and not an ugly one. I didn't really know what I was doing when I picked it out. ^^;;

Well, I'm done for today~ On sunday, I'm having a movie night hopefully~ I command the presence of Chris, Lance, Brock, Matt (If I can get a hold of him), David and Jenny (if you want to come, you won't know everyone there though ^^;;) and yeah. I just want to DO something.

Well, I'm going to go~ I have to work later~

LAAAANCE~ I'm sorry for being a grumpy bear earlier~ I send WUVA in your general direction~ Bai~

Scary computer room lady is looking over my shoulder...

I'm at school, skipping my fake english class and I'm pretty bored.

Lately I've been addicted to Disgaea~ Best game ever! Thus, I haven't been doing much of anything else. Kind of sad, but I'm happy that I found a game that I can be addicted to again. I also definitely need to replay Disgaea after I'm done since it took me a while to figure out what I was doing and I probably screwed things up along the way.

I'm trying to eat healthier again...I kind of failed at that yesterday, so I'm going to start again today. *dies*

I'm pondering whether to go to the lake or not on Sunday. Somebody make plans with me on Sunday, I want to do something! If I have plans, then I won't go to my cabin. I think Chris is busy with Michelle's "burning stuff" party...so anyone else want to give me love? We could have a movie night~ We haven't had a good movie night in a long time~ *twitches* I need human contact...Actually, for some reason, lately I've been wanting to play Halo~ Like 8 player Halo~ That'd be good fun. A big red vs. blue kind of game~! Now that I have more friends I think I can pull it off. I don't know if I have two x-boxes handy though. Alright...I actually only counted out 6 people on my hand (who'd actually want to play Halo)...*ponders* I'll worry about all of that later.

Also, I finally typed up a new prettier resume. In other words, I'm finally going to go job hunting. Leslie tells me I have a pretty good chance of getting a job at Quizno's with her. That would be good fun. I also would like to apply at Chapter's.

I really want to go to E3 with Matt next year~ Fun fun roadtrip to get free stuff at E3~ I'm actually really really looking forward to it. Hopefully we stick with the plan~

Ummmm...what else? I trying very very hard to think of things to write about. Yeah, I think I'm done.

(no subject)

Blah. Today has felt empty. It felt like a waste of a day. I don't know why.

I went to the mall with Lance and Brock, that was all groovy until something clicked inside of me...then I started to feel sad. I was pretty certain I could master my emotions, but it's alot harder than I thought.

So I'm reading "The perks of being a wallflower" I like it, but I hate it too. I hate the main character, I hate his innocence, I hate how he's a victim, I hate how he cries all the time, I hate how he's so easily influenced. I've reached the tear-soaked pages, and I can't cry. I guess the book just doesn't feel as real to me. That saddens me, I feel very heartless right now. Ugly on the inside for not feeling these kids pain. I feel stupid because I feel like maybe I'm missing the point. I understand Charlie's problem, but it feels like he's not really trying to solve it all. Now, Requiem for a Dream...that movie made me cry. All their situations seemed hopeless. In the end, the pursuit for happiness just led them all to a bitter end. Maybe the reason why I can't cry for Charlie (Patrick too, poor Patrick) is because I feel he still has a chance. I don't know.

Of all the people in the world who I don't understand...I understand myself the least it feels sometimes.

Anyways, in return for lending me the book, I gave Chris some happy books~ Princess Bride and Alice in Wonderland (happy? or just on crack? both?)

I bought Gwang's present today~ I didn't buy him cows, but I did buy two of his other favourite things~ I also bought myself a manga, Demon Ororon. I remember seeing the cover a long time ago while browsing jpqueen, and I became interested. And now it's licenced~ Victory for me~ I enjoy it. It's kind of shoujo-ie...well, I guess it is shoujo. A bit dark. Lovable though~ The main character Chiaki is kyute. I wish I was like her. Cutely masculine...like that Japanese exchange student at our school.

Oh yeah, everyone get LJs so they post comment in my journal. Sorry, I don't want anonymous comments anymore because silly hosers are out abusing that by posting silly ignorant comments and just not leaving a name. Ignorance is a pet peeve of mine, though I'm probably being a hypocrite. Blah~ Everyone's a hypocrite I guess. Usually, hatred for others come from an existing self-hatred, therefore it must be true~

But I'm done now~ Bai.
  • Current Music
    DJ Tiesto - Touch Me

Declaration of Happy

I'm a happy kitty again~

I decided that I'm not fond of angst. I don't like not eating, or not sleeping, or crying all the time. So, I'm going to stop. Simple as that. It might still get me down once in a while, but nothing major since most of my worries have been cleared. So I discard my angst with a note: Make good decisions people! ESPECIALLY when they involve me...because next time, I don't plan on getting sad, I'm just going to go PSYCHOTIC and I will HUNT you down and I will NINJA your ass because I'm not going to put up with this shit. ^^ Seriously, I'm not going to put up with this EVER again. No negative emotion will EVER control my life EVER again.

Okay, of course I will have lapses of sad for a while...which is understandable...but I can pull through those with my handy-dandy notebook/Chris/Lance. They're a useful bunch since I can pour out my thoughts to them. So it's all groovy.

Don't worry about Manda, she has everything figured out, kinda.

What a wonderfully bitter quote~

"Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness, a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life, a feeling of being trapped, of having trusted and been fooled, of being the helpless prey of impotent rage, blind surrender, the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away, enlists a man, and crowning injury inflicts upon him the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself"

Quote by Paul Veléry

This quote is wonderful. It describes my current past few days perfectly.

I really feel like shit right now. I can't sleep, I hardly eat and when I do I feel sick. Lance asked me to be happy for a month...it's probably been a month and a week since then, I think...*sigh* I made it, but all good things come to an end. I don't really want to be depressed again. I hope you're fucking happy.

Don't ask please, all the people who I want to know already do.